Many people tend to react to other people’s anger with anger as well. It is almost an art not to do so. But to never get angry again, for example, should not be the objective, either. It is much more important to be in contact with our own emotions and feelings, taking our time, accepting our emotions as they come and adequately controlling or expressing them. There is a simple model that assists us in coping with our emotions and feelings. I would like to present it to you today.

Imagine you are at the airport, looking forward to your vacation, which for weeks you have been longing for. You have been awaiting it feverishly in the last few weeks, all preparations for your absence from home are completed, and you have worked ahead at the office to be able to embark on your two-week vacation in a relaxed manner. Now, you arrive at the airport and check your flight details. You find your flight on the monitor and all of a sudden, you notice that your flight has been canceled. At this moment, your journey through the “valley of tears” begins.

From negation to commitment

You’re shocked. Initially, you feel paralyzed and don’t even want to admit it. That can’t be true now! Why was the flight canceled? Why today in particular? Why does this happen to you? What have you done to deserve this? You start to get angry. After a while, anger turns into a feeling of sadness and fears are spreading. But after another moment you start to realize the situation and begin to think about it rationally and check your options. And just like every other valley, this one has an end. You have accepted the situation and are now able to make clear decisions. For example, you decide to go to the information desk and ask for alternatives. You accept the situation and reorient yourself.

This is just one example of how to deal with emotions. Depending on the scope of an event, the passage through the valley of tears may extend from a few hours to several days, weeks, or even months. In addition, people need different periods of time to accept a situation. This should be considered especially in the leadership of employees, for example when changes are announced.

Understanding emotions

When you, as a leader, are confronted with an employee’s emotions, you have to realize that the employee must first go through the valley of tears as well. The message about a change in the workplace or the fact that employees are about to tackle a new project by which they are entering new territory will trigger something in them. So, give them time to accept the change.

The right way to deal with emotions

As soon as we enter the valley of tears and the more our emotions are taking over, the more our ability to think and act rationally diminishes. It is only at the bottom of the valley that we regain our rationality. It is for this reason that we frequently do or say things in anger that we would like to take back later.

When we look at this model, we should always avoid making serious decisions right at the time when we are emotional. We should take time to allow and accept the emotions until we reach a point where we are able to think and act rationally again