It is a rainy afternoon in the city of Glasgow. On the side of the road in the pedestrian zone sits a blind man, begging for money. In front of him stands a small tin can where those passing by are supposed to put the change they carry in their pockets. Besides him he placed a cardboard sign saying “I’m blind, please help”.

His business model doesn’t really seem to be very successful though. A coin drops into the can every now and then, but not more than that.

After a while, a young lady with dark sunglasses comes along (I still wonder why she would wear shades on such a rainy day, but that’s another question). She stops and looks at the cardboard for a moment. Then she takes the cardboard, turns it around and writes something on the back of it while the blind man touches her shoes to recognize who is standing in front of him. Once she’s done, she puts the cardboard back in place, with her writing facing the front. Then she leaves without saying a word.

The blind man wasn’t able to see what she did, but the difference he clearly notices is that the business begins to flourish after she has left: more and more people toss their change into his little tin can as they walk by and the continuous sound of falling coins puts a smile on his face.

After a while, the young lady comes back and stands in front of the blind man again. He touches her shoes and immediately recognizes her. He asks: “What did you do to my sign?” She replies: “I wrote the same, but in different words.” And as the camera view turns toward the cardboard, her writing finally appears: “It’s a beautiful day. And I can’t see it.”

I often show this little clip as an introduction to discussing the power of words and how big a difference the wise choice of words can actually make in any kind of human interaction. The reaction is usually an emotional one and most people are quite touched when they read the second statement. So, if we look at the two simple phrases in this little story and how they have a different impact on the pedestrian’s behavior, what is the difference?

Obviously, the first one – I’m blind, please help – is merely a rather rational statement. Most people passing by probably thought something like “is it really true?” or “leave me alone, I’ve got my own problems”, resulting in a coin in the can every now and then.

The second one – It’s a beautiful day, and I can’t see it – has a completely different effect, which is mostly an emotional one. If we have a closer look, we can even try to identify the kind of emotions triggered by the statement. The first part, “It’s a beautiful day” makes us become aware of the fact that it is indeed a beautiful day. The second part, “… and I can’t see it” triggers two emotions: gratefulness on one hand and compassion on the other. A very powerful combination, which leads to the desired action.

Canadian neurologist Donald Calne puts the effect in a nutshell:

“The essential difference between emotion and reason is
that emotion leads to action while reason leads to conclusions.”

And neuroscientist Antonio Damasio provides the explanation in his book “Descartes’ Error” by saying

“We are not thinking machines.
We are feeling machines that think.”

The majority of our decisions are made based on emotions and then rationally justified and explained afterwards. This is not only true for big decisions like buying a new car but also for all small minute-by-minute decisions we make throughout the day. E. g. whether we want to continue listening to someone.

So, if such a little cause can make such a big difference in effect, what does that mean for our every day interactions? How often do we say things that are rationally clear but do not have the desired - or even worse: an adverse - effect on the emotional level? Do we only want conclusions or do we want action?

And what are the settings that would benefit from a wiser choice of words? Obviously, any kind of business related interaction would benefit, be it leadership, teamwork, or customer interaction like in sales or customer service. And of course, any other human interaction would benefit just as well.

Where and how have you changed your words to make a difference?

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