Why is listening so important?

A meeting is scheduled. We consider ahead of time what we want to say, prepare diligently, and choose our words carefully. After all, it is essential for us to be understood. Usually, this indicates that we consider it more important to clarify our own views than to listen to and understand other points of view. Very often, however, listening first achieves a better result. 

When we participate in a conversation with the objective of first understanding the other person exactly before defining our own points of view, this has a particularly positive effect on the quality of the interaction.

Learning how to listen

Active listening can be learned. Rather than a pure communication technique though, it is a basic attitude. Active listening means: wanting to see and understand the other person’s point of view. Active listening is based on the following three intentions:

1. Signaling to the other person that I am listening
2. Wanting to understand what the other person wishes to tell me
3. Wanting to understand the relationship level and the motivations behind what is said

These intentions are usually given when you have a conversation with your best friend, for example. It will likely be more challenging if you need to have a difficult conversation in a professional context about an unpleasant topic with a person you dislike. Then active listening is an aspect of professional behavior and may need a conscious decision.

When listening actively, pay close attention to your own motive. Are you listening because you want to come back with a quick-witted response, perhaps to be right or even to win in the end? Then your motive is competitive and not conducive to active listening. Instead, try to listen with the intention of actually understanding the other person. This is the only way to achieve genuine, authentic communication.