Self-praise is no praise – not really

"I am never being praised and don't receive any appreciation from above." This is a sentence that I am hearing frequently – both from leaders and from employees. We all thirst for recognition and for appreciation. Ultimately, we all want to be loved, accepted, and appreciated for who we are, for what we do, and for why we make our commitment. What happens if we are not praised?

The consequences for people

Without recognition and appreciation, the one thing happens that companies are not in need of at all: Our commitment declines and we become latently dissatisfied.

This situation is especially difficult for leaders in middle management. On the one hand, they are often aware that they must show appreciation and recognition to their employees, since they recognize that this is an essential aspect of good leadership. Therefore, they endeavor to show their team the appropriate appreciation. At the same time, however, they frequently do not receive this appreciation from their superiors at all or only insufficiently. In addition, they are often under substantial pressure "from above." In this sandwich position it then feels as if, on the one hand, the tank runs dry and, on the other hand, it is not being refilled.

Where is the energy supposed to come from? What can you do in order not to run into a wall jaded and burned out someday?

Self-esteem as key

The key to this challenge is "self-esteem." This means nothing else than to show yourself the appreciation and recognition that you actually expect from others – that is, from your own superiors.

When you can show yourself the appreciation, which you expect from others, you are increasingly independent of their appreciation and recognition. You no longer need their appreciation to be in balance and satisfied.

Inner critic vs. inner person who pats you on the shoulder

Many people are harder on themselves and are more critical of themselves than they would be with a good friend, for example. The inner critic is frequently considerably louder than the inner person who pats you on the shoulder. That is too bad. The origin of this lies in our negative bias in thought and in perception. Everything that we evaluate or judge to be negative acts as a magnet for our attention and at the same time as if we were looking through a magnifying glass. This, of course, also applies to our own achievements and to our own behavior. If we make mistakes or do not succeed in doing things in a way that we had actually intended, that acts a lot more intensively on us than all the things in the course of a day, which we actually succeeded in doing well and for which we would basically have deserved a pat on the shoulder.

Become your own friend!

My approach, in order to counteract something, is quite simple: I am encouraging you to become a good friend to yourself! Try to consciously deal with yourself – specifically initially only mentally, later also in your actions – as you would with a good friend. You are showing understanding to a good friend. You are encouraging him, you are tolerant, lenient, sympathetic towards him ... and yes, certainly also loving.

How loving are you in dealing with yourself?

For many people, such a consciously selected way of dealing with themselves is unchartered territory and unaccustomed. Think about how you can quite show yourself more appreciation in daily practice. Proceed as follows: Sit down briefly at the end of the week and think about the following items:

• What did I succeed in doing well this week?
• What job did I manage to do well this week?
• Where have I achieved what I have achieved with all my commitment and maximum effort – regardless of the outcome?

What can you be thankful for? What can you even be a little bit proud of? And for what may you simply congratulate yourself with good conscience and pat yourself on the shoulder? Even if it was perhaps not the result that you wanted to achieve, you have nevertheless done your best. Even for this you have deserved recognition.

Reward yourself

And then think about how you can perhaps even reward yourself. What could be a practical sign of self-esteem for you? Buy yourself a beautiful gift. Invite yourself out for a drink ... You know best what appreciation means for you. In this sense: Good luck in making friends with yourself.