Communication is a link and creates a bridge from one person to another, so that it can create a “We” feeling. Genuine, good communication is not only about exchanging information, but also about establishing contact at the relationship level. And to take it one step further: building and maintaining relationships. In today’s society, this is exactly where we find the problem. Communication has changed in recent decades.

Communication is different today

Today, incredible amounts of information and data are sent from A to B. People are tweeting, sending Snapchats, WhatsApp messages, even breaking up and break up relationships in this way or quitting jobs. This type of communication makes it clear how big the distance has become between persons – and how little willingness there is to make real contact. There is less and less real interpersonal dialogue. By this, I mean the intensive exchange between two people, which is basically more than just the exchange of information.

Why should you even deal with communication?

We are practically born with communication skills. We are communicating all our lives. For us, communication is the most natural thing in the world and many people believe you just have to open your mouth to be understood. The numerous misunderstandings and conflicts in everyday professional life and at home show us time and again, however, that this is not the case. Austrian behavioral scientist and Nobel Prize winner Konrad Lorenz rightly said: “What is thought is not said. What is said is not heard. What is heard is not understood. What is understood is not believed. What is believed is not yet advocated. What is advocated is not yet acted on. What is acted on is net yet completed.”

We are reacting much more to what we hear, but that is not necessarily what has actually been said.

Basic knowledge for good communication

If you want to communicate well, you should have the corresponding basic knowledge. This includes the following principles, which are essential for communication-promoting and relationship-oriented behavior.

1. You cannot not communicate
A very fitting statement by Paul Watzlawick, because as soon as we are in contact with other people, we are already communicating. Even if we don’t say anything, we are communicating. Depending on the situation, not saying anything can be much more powerful in its effect than if we were to say something. We are communicating on different levels – and the spoken word is only one of three levels on which communication and thus interaction with others takes place. These three levels are:

verbal communication – the spoken word
para-verbal communication – the tone of voice
nonverbal communication – gestures, facial expressions, body posture

2. Communication is also always non-verbal.
Nonverbal means body language. This part is always taking place and also affects the third dimension of the overall effect, the para-verbal part, i.e., the tone of voice. I’m sure you are familiar with the saying “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” And that’s what it’s like in communication. How you say something can make a very big difference. You probably know this from your own experience. In written communication, the non-verbal part is entirely missing, which is one reason why there are now countless emojis that can be added to the text. They are supposed to reflect the sender’s state of mind and avoid potential misunderstandings, often due to the lack of para-verbal and non-verbal content. Looking at the overall effect, the non-verbal expression always prevails.

Albert Mehrabian, an Iranian-U.S. psychologist, once examined the relationship between the three elements of communication: Only 7% of what we communicate consists of the literal content of the message, 38% is taken up by tone, intonation, and volume of one’s voice, and as much as 55% of communication consists of body language. This is particularly true when the three elements are not aligned, or even contradict each other. In such a case, body language usually tells the truth.

I trust you will take some impulses from this blog and transfer them into your conversations with business partners, customers, colleagues, boss, partners, children ... wishing you successful communication.